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Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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Her book (and her questions, but mostly her interviews-as-examples) have the potential to help a lot of people deal with interpersonal issues (that she boils down to inner-personal). While Byron Katie's book has some elements that would be helpful if used correctly, I'm concerned that too much of her approach would, in actuality, be damaging. It's not the issue that's causing the problem, it's your THOUGHTS about the issue because you haven't investigated them to see that they oppose reality in the moment.

I've been to psychologists, psychiatrists and therapist (which I still recommend for each and every person).The Work has been compared to the Socratic method and to Zen meditation, but Katie is not aligned with any religion or tradition. Undoing one belief at a time, its ultimate impact can dislodge the very center-pole of ego, leading to the realization of who or what we truly are. The Work is a series of questions you are to ask yourself that are designed to lead to eventual insight. But the way the work sets it up is that one is only meant to inquire as to whether the thought creates stress or peace, and then we are asked to let the thought let go of us (I did appreciate her clarification that she isn't asking people to "drop the thought" or to try to drop it) on the basis of realizing it's not helping us feel peaceful or happy.

I re-read that chapter twice to make sure I was not missing anything that made me draw my initial conclusion, but I still felt the same after re-reading.Maybe Justin, after truly accepting that his family may not be able to meet that need of his (right now), seeks to find other friends or groups of people who are willing and able to meet that need of his - whereas, the work seemed to just have him bucket the need and strategy together, when it was only the strategy that needed adjustment perhaps. The dialogues follow a predictable pattern and if mapped onto, say, a rape victim, would end with the rape victim "turning it around" and concluding things such as "I hate myself for being raped" or if you really bungle the "turn-around": "I raped myself. Maybe the book wouldn't be so interesting to others who are already are more self-aware than I am, but I liked learning to be more honest with myself.

In fact, “If you want reality to be different than what it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. If it makes no sense, or is difficult to grasp in book form, try watching a video of Byron Katie working with someone (tons of videos on youtube) or at least visit the concept again in 6-7 years.I would not have read this book if I didn't have to for a book club, and when I first picked it up and started reading I was like "Oh come on. The answers to these four questions will give you a deeper understanding of your negative thoughts, so you can move on to making yourself feel better. I got some points as to what she was saying, especially when she talked about how you control your own thinking. I have to admit that I didn't manage to finish the book after I had these epiphanies as to why I cringed so much during the dialogues in the book.

What may not be reasonable or sane is the various strategies we may be entrenched in trying to meet those needs. The abridged version consists mostly of live clips of Katie doing "The Work" with others at public events. Many people have discovered The Work’s power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible. What I'm trying to say here is that I believe there is a healthy human place which acknowledges how we are affected by other people (while not being codependent) and can assertively navigate (ask for what we need or want) things without being attached by way of a neurotic ego. True nonattachment and acceptance fearlessly admits our humanity and vulnerability, which includes us having wishes that are not fulfilled or are frustrated.Out of nowhere, like a cool breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice, comes Byron Katie and The Work. He should stop blaming me TURNS INTO I should stop blaming him turns into I need me to accept him and his way of life TURNS INTO I need to accept myself and I need to accept my way of life! But (and there is a 'but') at other times, I would have chosen a different path, a different wording, a different sensitivity, a different way to bring issues into perspectives. You might be fishing for evidence that your partner doesn't love you because deep down, you're paranoid. In this case, taking care of ourselves would be choosing the amount of involvement we have with someone who we want something from but who doesn't have the genuine willingness in them to give it to us.

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